So, hearing about friends who are expecting, I've been consumed with thoughts of things that can help them, or lessons I've learned. It must be the "teacher" inside of me trying to get out! Or else, I just want to give unsolicited advice!
Ideas for helping new moms:
1) Bring a meal that can be frozen/refrigerated. If she is a breastfeeding mom, try to make a meal without onion, garlic, beans, or broccoli. In some cases, she might have to avoid dairy completely (which is HARD! I've done the research!), but in those early weeks, it'll probably be too early to tell if baby has a cow milk protein intolerance.
2) Most people reach out to help in the first month, which is absolutely needed, but don't forget to check in later too! Until baby starts smiling and interacting more around 4/6 months, being a new mom (or dad) still feels like a thankless job! You can still help at this time with meals, cleaning a room, washing baby clothes, washing parent's clothes, sheets, or towels, etc.
3) If you're the designated "holder," try to keep baby out of Mom's earshot while she tries to nap, and try to keep baby from crying.
4) Until Mom has recovered from labor and delivery and/or surgery, be the baby "shuttle." Baby can be brought to mom for feeding, but then you are the bouncer and carrier until Mom feels physically up to it.
5) Send emails, texts, or voicemails that check on Mom as much as baby. Exude compliments, understanding, love, and support.
Things for the new mom to remember:
1) You are already doing it "all," without having to make sure that you hold your baby 24/7, clean the house, cook the meals, etc. Those first few weeks, and even those first few months, are consumed with the baby. Learn how to reach out to your support network and don't be afraid to ask for someone to come clean the kitchen, help do a load of laundry, or make you a meal.
2) You're allowed to be emotional. And you're allowed to not know why you're crying. (Dad, remember this too...)
3) Obviously you wake up every time the baby breathes, so don't be upset when Dad doesn't wake up, and it's okay for people to come and visit and stay the night. They don't care about hearing a crying baby in the middle of the night. In all honesty, they probably won't even wake up, and if they do, soon enough they'll be back in their own quiet house and can have their undisturbed sleep then. So don't let this be a reason you don't feel like people can visit, unless you need an excuse.
4) Relax, relax, relax. Easier said than done, I know. But it's INSANE how much baby picks up from your mood. When I was/am upset, everything concerning Juliana was/is more difficult. Take a few deep breaths, calm your mind, go to the "happy place", turn on your favorite music, go for a walk outside, go for a drive, whatever you can do for a change of pace.
5) Reach out for help. The caveat is you need to be specific in what you need help with, but remember, raising children used to be a COMMUNITY activity, and for good reason! It's hard! Each step has different challenges, but I have received so much support and help from the most unlikely places. As far as Dad helping... If you're breastfeeding, it's hard for Dad to feel helpful in the beginning. You can tell Dad he's helping by keeping laundry going, fixing dinner, doing the dishes, rubbing your shoulders, telling you he's proud of you, etc, but since he's a "fixer," it's hard for him to understand that this is helping. Once nursing has been established for the most part, Brian's helping me is putting the baby back to sleep when she wakes up. Or being the "chauffeur" from her crib in her room to me for middle of the night feedings. She has a 1,000 Watt smile for only her Daddy, and I am more relaxed with his help.
6) I think most importantly, remember that the "phases" with babies are extremely short. People tell me all the time that whatever I'm having difficulties with is "just a phase," as a way to encourage me to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but instead my mind interprets "phase" as a year long period. (I.e. the "Terrible Twos?") In the first few weeks and months, developmental and behavioral changes occurred over the course of a few days. Now, her habits and disruptions change over a few days as well, but at the longest, a week. I constantly find myself going to that place in my mind where she's never going to sleep at night until she's 3 years old, which just isn't true. A few nights later, once I've mentally prepared myself for a night of waking up every hour, she'll revert back to sleeping for 3 hour stretches. I'm still guilty of letting my brain get too far ahead of myself, but I'm definitely trying to relax (see #4) and take it day by day.
Best gifts for New Moms:
1) Bottles. We've used Dr. Brown's from the start, but with her reflux flare up, I had more moms recommend using them. They are a bit on the pricy side, so they're great as a gift, versus something Mom feels like she has to buy in that hour of desperate need. I'd recommend a few of the small 4 oz ones, and a few of the larger 8 oz ones. Just to give yourself flexibility, although what I've found is that breastfed babies will consistently eat the same amount throughout 0-12 months (small amounts, frequently), they just learn how to digest the nutrients better, and the nutrients produced to contribute to the breastmilk changes as baby grows as well. Unlike formula fed babies, who need more and more to keep up with their growing tummies.
2) Bottle and nipple brushes, and a microwave sterilizer. Brushes for cleaning, and although you can consistently clean all pump parts and/or bottles in soapy water, with all the germs at day care, I feel better consistently sterilizing Juliana's bottles. We use the Philips Avent steam sterilizer.
3) Mesh bumper for crib. So you're not supposed to use bumpers for your cribs anymore, but with these new cribs with the wider slats, pacifiers fall through, in addition to little arms and legs poking through.
4) Gowns and sleep sacks. We really liked the 0-3 mo gowns when Juliana was a newborn. Easy access to diapers, but long enough to keep her feet warm. Once she outgrew those, we put her in footed jammies, but found that she still liked the closeness of swaddling. Unfortunately, she had also outgrown her flannel receiving blankets which we had been swaddling her in. I had made a fleece swaddle blanket (with velcro), and we bought a SwaddleMe. The only issue with these products, is they are designed to confine the arms as well as the legs, and Juliana likes to have her arms out. We solved this by securing the swaddle under her arms, but in doing some research, it appears that the Halo SleepSack has the option of swaddling over the arms, or under the arms in the transition to their wearable blanket.
5) Pacifier clips. Of course this means that the mommy has decided she's going to use pacifiers (and I was absolutely NOT going to use a pacifier, HAH), but they're great for making sure it doesn't hit the floor! I recommend BooginHead pacifier clips.
6) For the breastfeeding Momma (who's also going to pump): Lanolin, disposable nursing pads, cloth reusable nursing pads, freezer storage bags (with the option to pump in directly is an added bonus. I still haven't used the feature since I like to measure out the amounts in bottles first), a car adapter, a battery adapter (with batteries?), extra pump parts, extra small (1 oz), small (2.5 oz), and medium (5 oz) size bottles for pumping into, iTunes gift card or app gift card for BabyNursing app to keep track of pumping times and amounts. I saw this on a friend's blog and thought it'd also be a neat tool for keeping track of everything baby (breastfeeding or not) Itzbeen Baby Care Timer Boppy pillow, with covers because it does get spills.
7) Cloth diapers, for burp cloths!! Seriously, those little terry cloth things don't hold onto any liquid at all.
8) I can't tell you how great it's been to have a mirror in the backseat of the van so we can check on her. Especially as the new regulations say babies should be rear facing until the age of 2!! It allows us to feel like we can be in the front seat.
9) Car seat protector from the car seat base.
10) White noise machine, or white noise album to be downloaded to iPod and played through speakers in baby's room during naps and at night.
11) Fun picture books!! Babies are content to read one book over and over, but it gets old fast for Mom and Dad reading it. It's hard for Mom and Dad to pick out good books to have, so pick a few of your favorites from growing up, and give them instead of cards at a shower. They can get expensive at Barnes and Noble, or through Amazon, so try to go to a discount book seller. I'd say "normal" picture books are fine, but board books and cloth books are great once baby learns how to pick things up and put them in his/her mouth!
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