Moving worries

I've been overwhelmed in the last week. We started packing boxes over a month ago, and I had list after list of what would be going to the 2 bed/2 bath apartment and what would be going to a storage unit, what addresses would need to be changed, what bills and utilities to get figured out, what last projects needed to happen at the house, when we'd be packing what items, how to use up meat in the freezer or who to give it to, etc. It constantly felt like a hurry up and wait thing where I'd be packing hanging clothes or gift wrap supplies, things that we weren't going to need before we moved, and then have a few days of doing nothing because there was nothing else I could pack yet. Then, this past week, I was home 4 out of the 5 days and was packing a few boxes everyday and started worrying that I wouldn't get it all packed. I've been through all the rooms in the house at least 10 times, talking out loud to myself, to Brian, to Juliana, surveying and saying, okay that'll fit in a dresser drawer so it doesn't need to go into a box, this will go into a box, this will be packed into the van, this will go in the truck, this will go in the moving truck, I'll pack this next weekend, I can pack this now, etc, etc. I'm exhausted from it. If I felt that we were financially in a place where we could sell or donate it all and start over, I probably would've, but we've amassed so much stuff and most of it is sentimental and has a meaning.

I honestly think most of my worrying has to come from the fact that the house is still sitting on the market. With spring now here, I'm worrying about making sure the lawn is mowed, the weeds are taken care off, the thermostat is appropriately set to not blow our electric and gas bills out of control, but pipes won't freeze and the house won't be so uncomfortably hot for potential showings. What if an inspection shows something that needs to be fixed and we're 500 miles away and need to coordinate for someone to come to the house to fix whatever it is? When, honestly, Brian would probably be more than capable of fixing it? And the list goes on and on...

Most of this was alleviated when Brian started unloading his work truck 2 weekends ago and we realized that he was going to have to make another trip back to get the rest of his tools and things. Although it's not a good trip, it's something that has to be done, so that helps.

Another worry was graduation weekend. I've had it on my calendar since last year (last weekend in April) and was adamant that we'd be coming back then so I could walk in it and be hooded. But then when I started thinking about it more and started trying to find hotels and think about the fact that Brian's not really going to have vacation days (he doesn't earn his first 5 days until he's been working there for 6 months, and remember baby is due at the end of August? yeah....), I realized that I just can't justify it. I loved high school and college graduation, but I think mostly it was because I was celebrating this great, awesome milestone with the rest of my friends and peers. This graduation would be only me, I'd be spending a lot of money on a PhD graduation cap and gown (and hood), and I'd only wear it again if I end up in academia anyway, if I don't, then it's really a waste of money. So, once I made that choice that we won't be participating in that event, a little bit of weight left my shoulders.

I've been worrying about the new job. I have so much flexibility now, and mostly work from home just to avoid driving 45 mins to Pittsburgh and pay for parking. But working from home means that I get things done at home (cleaning, laundry, packing, etc). I'm not sure what my new work environment will be like, although I'm sure it will be very similar, I just don't know yet. The longer I'm away from it, the more I worry that I've built it up in my mind. But I just keep reminding myself of the doors and opportunities that are going to open up because of this step, and of the great way I felt when I was there and talked to my new boss.

I'm worrying about Brian's new job. Although it's with a CAT dealer, which he's so excited about, he'll be working in the shop until they get new trucks (sometime before the end of the year). This means his hours will be vastly different and to some extent less flexible than we have now. He'll be doing the commute now (although it should only be about 30 mins with traffic versus my 45-60 mins), and finally start putting miles on that new truck. He's so good at assimilating though, I know he'll be fine. It'll just be an adjustment all around. He's also been in PA for a good 7 years before I met him, so I know the idea of starting a new network of friends is daunting.

I'm really worrying about Juliana's school. We looked at 3 day cares when we were down in Chapel Hill in February. We chose one that seemed the closest to the one that we have here, the one that made us feel the most comfortable, but that doesn't mean that the time in-between hasn't made me worry about it. Plus, we are so close to everyone at the day care here, it's hard to imagine having those kinds of relationships with another institution, even though I know we will... I know Juliana will be fine. She makes friends so quickly, and any place that has things for kids to play with or climb on, she's excited. I'm trying to not let my insecurities and worries affect her, but it's hard. I know she senses something isn't right, and I hope and pray that it will level itself out quickly.

All of these worries have compounded and with pregnancy hormones, has made me very weepy and little things turn into big deals. But, this weekend, we had 2 major things that were answers to prayer... First, Saturday morning, Juliana was helping me pack boxes in the kitchen, and I was keeping a running schedule and to-do list in my head (the shopping trips we would need to run, how to time and balance that between her normal nap time and that period of "quiet", what boxes needed to be packed, what normal household chores needed to be done, etc), and the day care owner called and said her kids would love to spend some time with Juliana. We had talked about her oldest coming to our house months and months ago to stay and play with Juliana while we worked on basement remodeling projects, but it just hadn't worked out. I started thinking this would be great, but worrying about most of Juliana's toys that had already been packed and the few that had been left out, but then she offered to pick up Juliana had have her spend the day with her kids. I said that would be great. And it was awesome. Brian was working outside on unloading the last things out of his truck, picking up the yard, checking the generator we're trying to sell would run, etc. We were able to go out to lunch without a preschooler to distract us, went to see a movie, came back and got boxes packed, had a quiet dinner, and then were left twiddling our thumbs until 8pm when they brought Juliana back. I also got a call from our realtor saying someone wanted to look at the house on Sunday, so we were able to get some boxes loaded into the back of the van, clean and pick everything up so it was ready for a showing on Sunday while we went and spent the day with family. No word yet if the people were interested in the house, but this was only our 2nd showing since the house was listed at the end of January, and it was greatly welcomed.

I think one of the hardest things I'm working through right now are the emotions that come with leaving somewhere we've been for almost 4 years and the relationships we've built, and we're moving 500 miles away, not just to a neighboring county. At day care, all of the teachers are telling me how much they'll miss Juliana, and we will miss all of them too. Family that's close by will miss us, and at this point, we're unsure when we'll be capable of making another trip up (there's a tricky balance between Brian's vacation days, a new baby, and if all of my left over vacation days will get absorbed into the maternity leave or not). I worry and try to make it all "work", but there are a lot of unknowns at the moment. We have a wedding in July that we are so looking forward to, but we're also trying to balance that with everything else going on, and right now I have to keep reminding myself just to focus on moving.

So this is Juliana's last week at school, her last day of ballet will be today (in Chapel Hill, the ballet places have a recital in May so I don't think they'd let her join, and I haven't called because it might just be better to wait until the fall to get her started again), my last day of going into Pittsburgh will be Wednesday, Brian's last day of work will be Wednesday, he's using his remaining 2 days of vacation Thursday and Friday, we pick up the moving truck on Thursday, my adviser is having a going away party for me Thursday evening, and Friday we load the truck, Juliana and I head to Mom and Dad's, and we will all meet in Chapel Hill on Saturday. We will have Monday and Tuesday to get errands done (I have to get my UNC ID cards, we'll take Juliana to see her new school with us before she goes), and we all start work and school on Wednesday. Thankfully, the week will be short (Wednesday and Thursday) and then we should all be off on Friday for Good Friday. I think it'll help us ease into the full week the next week. Prayers for the transition.